Happy Holiday's Everyone,

I received this letter the other day and thought I would share it with you all due to the holiday season and how many newcomers find themselves in the rooms for the first time at this time of the year.

I hope you find it as meaningful as I did.
Who is sitting next to you...

(Author unknown, March 1991)

I know who you are. You are "X" who attends the ABC Meeting at the XYZ
Club where N.A.'s meet in Anywhere, U.S.A.

I saw you there the other night at the eight o'clock meeting. I don't
know how long you've been clean, but I know you've been coming around
for a while because you spoke to a lot of people who knew you. I
wasn't one of them.

You don't know who I am. I wandered into your meeting place alone the
other night, a stranger in a strange town. I got a cup of coffee, and
sat down by myself. You didn't speak to me.

Oh, you saw me. You glanced my way, but you didn't recognize me, so
you quickly averted your eyes and sought out a familiar face. I sat
there through the meeting.

It was okay, a slightly different format but basically the same kind
of meeting as the one I go to at home.

The topic was gratitude. You and your friends spoke about how much
N.A. means to you. You talked about the camaraderie in your meeting
place. You said how much the people there had helped you when you
first came through the door how they extended the hand of friendship
to make you feel welcome, and asked you to come back. And I wondered
where they had gone, those nice people who made your entrance so
welcoming and so comfortable.

You talked about how the newcomer is the life blood of N.A. I agree,
but I didn't say so. In fact, I didn't share in your meeting. I signed
my name in the book that was passed around, but the chairperson didn't
refer to it. He only called on those people in the room whom he knew.
So who am I? You don't know, because you didn't bother to find out.
Although yours was a closed meeting, you didn't even ask if I
belonged there.

It might have been my first meeting. I could have been full of fear
and distrust, knowing N.A. wouldn't work any better than anything else
I'd tried, and I would have left convinced that I was right. I might
have been suicidal, grasping at one last straw, hoping someone would
reach out and pull me from the pit of loathing and self-pity from
which, by myself, I could find no escape.

I might have been a student with a tape recorder in my pocket,
assigned to write a paper on how N.A. works - someone who shouldn't
have been permitted to sit there at all but could have been directed
to an open meeting to learn what I needed to know.

Or I could have been sent by the courts, wanting to know more, but
afraid to ask. It happens that I was none of the above.

I was just an ordinary addict with a few years of clean living in N.A.
who was traveling and was in need of a meeting.

My only problem that night was that I'd been alone with my own mind
too long. I just needed to touch base with my N.A. family. I know
from past experience that I could have walked into your meeting place
smiling, stuck out my hand to the first person I saw and said, "Hi. My
name is - . I'm an addict from - ."If I'd felt like doing that, I
probably would have been warmly welcomed. You would have asked me if I
knew Old So-and-so from my state, or you might have shared a part of
your drug-a-log that occurred in my part of the country. Why didn't I?
I was hungry, lonely, and tired.

The only thing missing was angry, but three out of four isn't a good
place for me to be.

So I sat silently through your meeting, and when it was over I watched
enviously as all of you gathered in small groups, talking to one
another the same way we do in my home town.

You and some of your friends were planning a meeting after the meeting
at a nearby coffee shop. By this time I had been silent too long to
reach out to you. I stopped by the bulletin board to read the notices
there, kind of hanging around without being too obvious, hoping you
might ask if I wanted to join you, but you didn't.

As I walked slowly across the parking lot to my car with the
out-of-state license plates you looked my way again. Our eyes met
briefly and I mustered a smile. Again, you looked away. I buckled my
seat belt, started the car, and drove to the motel where I was
staying.

As I lay in my bed waiting for sleep to come, I made a gratitude list.
You were on it, along with your friends at the meeting place. I knew
that you were there for me, and that I needed you far more than you
needed me. I knew that if I had needed help, and had asked for it, you
would have gladly given it.

But I wondered . . . what if I hadn't been able to ask?

I know who you are.....Do you remember me?